Green’s gerbils – an apology

The homosexuality-obsessed director of Christian Voice, Stephen Green, has been in touch to complain about MediaWatchWatch repeating a lie about him. The lie being that he claimed that “20% of gay men regularly had sex with live gerbils“.

MWW concedes that this is not true, and apologises for repeating the falsehood. Mr Green has provided a transcript of the relevant passage from his book, The Sexual Dead-End, London 1992, Page 89, Chapter 8: ‘Homosexual activity’, final section:

The Sexual practices of homosexuals are limited only by the imaginations of the human mind. One practice apparently gaining popularity amongst homosexuals is ‘gerbilising’ or ‘gerbil shooting’ which is the insertion of a live rodent into the anus. The recipient derives sexual pleasure from the animal trying to find its way out. Sometimes it dies before it escapes and has to be removed surgically. Roger Magnusson quotes from one book which reports that one-fifth of all homosexuals admitted to having sexual contact, or at least masturbating, with animals, and one prominent American homosexual, Charley Shively, considered bestiality to be an Act of Revolution.

As you can see, he never actually put a figure on the average frequency of gerbilisation among the homosexual population.

Mr Green was also keen to point out that he never claimed that homosexuals have up to ten partners a day.

That is not my style, and it is not true. […] it wasn’t me who suggested any figure on homosexual promiscuity. I simply quoted from homosexual authors and researchers.

Which is quite different, of course. Regarding the actual promiscuity of homosexuals, he says,

An average of averages would be hard, but may come out to between two a month to one or two a week, leading the man on the Coventry omnibus to ponder that there might just be something psychologically (or emotionally) amiss with the poor individuals suffering from such a compulsion.

MWW acknowledges that it may have promoted the impression that Stephen Green is both a bigot and a buffoon.

UPDATE: Snopes has good info on gerbiling, including a debunking of Richard Gere’s alleged “gerbilectomy” and a retelling of this old tale:

“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
“I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon,’ my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.”

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.”

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

I’m sure that happened to a friend of mine.

20 Responses to “Green’s gerbils – an apology”

  1. Marc says:

    Our Ste, grand gay-straightener that he is, might find some comfort here:

    Personally, I laughed so hard the hamster shot right out of my ass and landed back in it’s cage.

  2. Marc says:

    Wish we could edit these – oh well. Just another thought, to paraphrase, Will Shakespeare (Hamlet); “Mr Green doth protest too much, methinks”

    Another blog relating the same phrase, mentions this guy:

    And guess what he has to say: “God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” That’s righteous folks – this guy is another bloody Christian sticking his nose where gay *guys* put their… [insert your own ending here].

    You’ll also note the the Xians get all pissy about gay men, but have little or nothing to say about gay women. Is that because of the modus operandi of male gay sex, I wonder? They even seem to miss the point that lots of totally straight couples (something like 10% admit to) missing the pink and having a stab at the brown!

    And how about this “…God ordained in the Garden of Eden thousands of years ago..” Not only does this guy believe in the bearded sky fairy, he’s actually dumb enough to consider (against any rational measurement) that the world is only a few thousand years old!

    This is what America gives us for politicians! House of Congress – he should be in the the bloody nuthouse!

  3. Flotsam says:

    Some years ago TVam (ahh, those were the days) were covering the first day of the annual Harrods’ sale. As usual Harrods had a celeb present for the opening. That year it was Richard Gere about who there were rumours, entirely untrue, of course, circulating about his affection for small rodents.

    Anne Diamond and Nick Owen were sitting on a suitably expensive sofa on the Harrods’ sales floor presenting the show live in the usual manner. Mohammed Fayed arrived to dispense his wisdom to the viewers. Anne mentioned that Mr Gere would soon be arriving at the sofa for a chat but was currently busy elsewhere in the shop. Fayed replied, with the best poker face I’ve ever seen, something along the lines of “Yes, he’s in the pet department looking at the hamsters”. Owen corpsed and couldn’t speak for a minute or two, Diamond sat there asking what was so funny and the Phoney Pharoah kept his Sphinx-like composure. Classic telly.

  4. meh says:

    Gerbiling is bunk, an Urban legend. Speaks wonders of the likes of Green who persist on beliving it, if only because it reinforces their prejediced delusions.

  5. Bartholomew says:

    There was that guy in the US a couple of months back, from Georgia – said doing it with animals was quite normal where he was from.

  6. Andrew Nixon says:

    Monitor you made a mistake….. urban legends never happen to a friend, they happen to a friend of a friend!

  7. Marc says:

    Of course gerbilling is bunk, but it does offer proof the people like Green (including him) are mind bogglingly gullible! Let’s face, why would these people believe in the bearded sky fairy anyway?

    Besides, all the gay men I know consider the practice (read: urban myth) of gerbilling totally inhumane.

  8. Christopher Shell says:

    No wonder – I thought it was April 1st when I first read the 20% figure – that explains it.

  9. Judgemonkey says:

    Interesting that teh American guy mentioned by Bartholomew was actually a raving anti-abortionist evangelical, like Green ( the evi bit not the horse)but the fith story on this page gives you an idea of the way the american legal system works with what is legal and what’s not.

  10. Christopher Shell says:

    Hi Judgemonkey
    Do you think there are any anti-abortionists who arent ‘raving’? Such as, for example, more or less the entire population of many countries? More or less the entire population of his country in some periods of history? People who love children, even? Even people who dont necessarily love children but dont see why anyone else has aright to decide whether they should live or not?

  11. Andrew Nixon says:

    Where did he say, or even imply, that he thought all anti-abortionists were raving?

  12. Christopher Shell says:

    It’s a cliche. Like every mass is a ‘seething mass’, every anti-abortionist is a ‘raving anti-abortionist’. (Well, to the extent that cliche-spouting can often indicate lack of thought.)

  13. Andrew Nixon says:

    Again, where did he say, or imply, that every anti-abortionist is of the raving type?

  14. Christopher Shell says:

    I dont find any evidence either that (a) he distinguished between raving ones and non-raving ones, or (b) that he put forward any evidence that the guy in question ought to be put into the raving camp as opposed to the non-raving camp.

    I would imagine that in his ‘world’, the terms ‘raving’, ‘anti-abortionist’ and ‘evangelical’ have some overlap and are not disinclined to figure in conjunction with one another. Which makes a high proportion of the US population raving mad.

  15. Andrew Nixon says:

    Answer the question Christopher.

    He said that the “American guy mentioned by Bartholomew” and Stephen Green were raving anti-abortionists. Can you indicate where he said that anyone else is?

  16. Christopher Shell says:

    Nope. If he’s not a cliche-monger, then I apologise. But I normally go by the rule of thumb: if it looks like a cliche, sounds like a cliche, and smells like a cliche, then it probably is a cliche.

  17. Judgemonkey says:

    oooh I missed this one.

    Ive been away and I come back to Christopher falling foul of my poor punctuation.

    I said “raving anti-abortionist evangelical” He is all of those. The first I grant you is my opinion of his presentation the rest is accurate. Maybe I could have said “raving, anti-abortionist evangelical” but I’m not sure that is very accurate.

    I could have said anti-abortionist evangelical raver but that would have been guessing his musical taste.
    Yes, you can be an anti-abortion evangelical and not be raving. You have my permission.

    Oh and one last thing. You accused me of calling everyone raving “Even people who dont necessarily love children but dont see why anyone else has a right to decide whether they should live or not?”

    Doesnt that mean that all sides of the argument are wrong. Isnt pro life as much of a dictate to “whether they should live or not” as the pro choice?

  18. Of course! Clearly living and not living are equally balanced examples. Most would struggle to choose between them, and the likelihood is that around 50% would come down on each side.

  19. For ‘examples’ read ‘options’.

  20. Judgemonkey says:

    Sorry, did Yoda just answer that question for Christopher?

    Im sure you think it’s more than 50% who would come down on the side of living but I would hope that you agree that any decision should be made on the basis of an informed choice rather than blind faith.