Stephen Green, Test Match hero

Stephen “Dog Shit” Green, the national director of the fundamentalist Bible-believing organisation Christian Voice (just search for “bigots” on Google), has all-but claimed responsibility for England’s Test victory over Pakistan.

Green was of the opinion that Pakistan were attempting to promote Islam during the 1st match, so he decided to have a word with God to see if he could pass a bit of judgement on them (‘Lord, may it please thee to judge these men for their arrogance in this land dedicated to the name of the Lord Jesus Christ,’ he said). God, being on such close terms with the charity-blackmailing bibliolater, willingly obliged.

Pakistan promptly lost the 2nd and 3rd Test Matches, and were disqualified in the all-important 4th for their reaction to ball-tampering accusations.

Says, Green:

It is a sad day for cricket, to be sure, but the collective madness which gripped the Oval yesterday should encourage Christians that God can always be relied upon to do the unexpected. The way in which Pakistan were giving it large about Islam was always asking for trouble from the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you Lord, for answering my prayer in such a dramatic fashion.

“Giving it large”?

England’s victory was due largely to the efforts of a Muslim and a Sikh.

Doesn’t Stephen Green’s mind work in mysterious ways?


11 Responses to “Stephen Green, Test Match hero”

  1. Ian says:

    He’s mental.

  2. Andrew Nixon says:

    I wonder how Green would explain how Mohammed Yousuf has improved his batting average since converting FROM Christianity…..

  3. martyn says:

    He’s also claimed to have invented air, the wheel and fire ;)

  4. Ricky Smith says:

    The BBC website says that those who can be ‘sectioned’ under the Mental Health Act 1983 “…include those with ‘severe mental impairment’, ‘psychopathic disorder’ or ‘mental illness’…”

    Anyone fancy starting a campaign?

  5. martyn says:

    They should start by rounding the fuckers up as they come out of their churches or temples or whatever they call them. Get them now before they all go underground :)

  6. Chris Hughes says:

    “Doesn’t Stephen Green’s mind work in mysterious ways?”

    A good question, but more to the point without the last three words…

  7. tom p says:

    A pedant notes: the 4th test was unimportant. England had already won the series and it was just a dead rubber.
    Also, Pakistan weren’t disqualified, they were deemed to have forfeited the match because they didn’t show up for the evening seesion until quarter of an hour after it should’ve started.

    Mind you, I’m not surprised that dogshit thinks that god would work through Darrel Hair, since dogshit’s view of how god is seems to be much the same as how Darrel Hair is, prissy, fussy and self-important

  8. Monitor says:

    Fair points, Tom. You got me bang to rights.

    Maybe Darrel Hair is the messiah?

  9. Andy Gilmour says:

    He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty umpire!

    sorry..sorry..but it had to be done…

    :-)

  10. steve green says:

    Why is he called dog shit????

  11. Andrew Nixon says:

    Check the link on the Dog Shit part of his name in the post.