Sweet Jesus H Christ on the Cross!

chocolate jesus
American religionists are up in arms about a milk chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ, the semi-mythical figure upon whose deeds and sayings Christianity is largely based.

The six foot confection has raised the ire of The Catholic League. Its head, Bill Donohue, has brought the previously obscure artist responsible into the international limelight by branding it “one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever”. Raging Christ-worshippers have bombarded Manhattan’s Lab Gallery with angry emails and telephone calls, prompting the gallery’s creative director to reconsider his options:

We’re obviously surprised by the overwhelming response and offence people have taken. We are certainly in the process of trying to figure out what we’re going to do next

Mr Donohue feels the statue, titled “My Sweet Lord”, is particularly offensive because of the time of year, known to followers of his religion as “Easter”. This is traditionally the time when Christians celebrate their god’s act of suicide by going to church and eating chocolate eggs.

The fact that they chose Holy Week shows this is calculated, and the timing is deliberate

Bill Donohue is strongly of the opinion that his beliefs should be treated with respect.

UPDATE: The show has been cancelled by the director of the hotel which houses the gallery. The gallery director, Matt Semler has resigned in protest. He described the protest as a “Catholic fatwa”, to which the zany Bill Donahue responded:

He had no business saying my letter of protest was hate speech. It just goes to show the guy is out of his mind.

Protest email and phone calls to the gallery included death threats.

15 Responses to “Sweet Jesus H Christ on the Cross!”

  1. Citizen Sane says:

    It’s all so… tiresome isn’t it? Jesus is such a soft target and SO last millennia.

  2. underblog says:

    Some christians don’t like to be confronted with Jesus’ manhood humanity.

    Is that a pony tail, by the way?

  3. Stuart says:

    Why on Earth are Christians upset? Doesn’t this work as a clever commentary on how Easter, their second biggest festival, has become all about chocolate?

  4. Mark says:

    Get a priest to bless it, presto, transubstantiation, and christians should be happy to eat the nob of christ.

  5. Nick says:

    I think it looks very tasteful (sorry)

  6. Paul says:

    Why semi-mythical? Are you suggesting that there might be some historical evidence for the existence of this “Jesus” character? If so, please elaborate.

  7. Steve says:

    I wonder if he’s got Chocolate Salty Balls?

    Hey kids!

  8. To avoid offending Bill Donahue, I shall hereafter refer to Jesus as a eunuch.

    Heh, the artist’s just been on BBC Radio 2 news wondering aloud about what the controversy is supposed to be about. “There was no bad intention behind it. Maybe it’s because it was dark chocolate? If it was white chocolate, maybe people wouldn’t have been offended?” Flip, perhaps, but the fact that Donahue now thinks that any representation of Jesus in one of those Godless Satanic “art” “galleries” must be interpreted as an attack shows that his level of paranoia has reached nuclear levels.

  9. ptg says:

    Here in Nebraska we sometimes make butter sculptures. Now, an art museum in Omaha is showing a Lard Mohammed sculpture next week.

  10. Andy A says:

    They could redo the Cadbury’s Flake advert using his dick. At least one thing’s come of it: millions of people will now get a look at this sculpture, albeit in photos and TV pictures, who wouldn’t but for the protests. ‘Twas ever thus. Take the thing that began this blog: JS: TO. Good old Catholic twazzocks. Thanks for giving me a chance to see this confection.

  11. Martin says:

    Just been to my local Sainsburys and couldn’t find a single chocolate Jesus! Disgraceful! Are they trying to take my saviour out of Easter the way they banned him from Xmas? I live in York so I’ll be raising it with Dr Sentamu. He likes to stand up for the simple man.

  12. St says:

    It was the habit of the Romans, as far as we know, to crucify their victims naked. Only our sensitivities give Jesus his loin cloth. Somehow this chocolate Christ is more real than many other works of art down the ages.

  13. So let’s see, if this were a chocolate Mohammad at Ramadan, there wouldn’t be any controversy at all? No one would be making any kind of fuss about someone having a naked chocolate statue of that religous figure?

    If they are willing to torch embassies and kill people over cartoons, just what in the world would happen then?

  14. Duncan says:

    Perhaps, but the Muslims do have particular beliefs about not representing their prophet so you can expect them to get up in arms about it. Catholics make scultpures of Jesus on the cross all the time. It’s practically an obsession. It seems in bad taste to quibble over the medium.

  15. Elliott Grasett says:

    The Late JC is said to have instructed his followers thusly:
    “Take and eat this in remembrance of me . . .”

    Nu? Why not chocolate?