Breaking News: Christians Offended
While it may seem hard to believe, reports have confirmed that a group of Christians in Iowa have recently been offended. While initially dismissed as a hoax (due to the almost unheard of notion of a religious group taking offense at something) reporters at the scene found overwhelming evidence to suggest that a number of Christians – including some who wield considerable political power – had been offended.
The culprit responsible for this devastating event was identified as a bus which, in a deliberate attempt to cause fear and suffering amongst the citizens of Iowa, rudely dared to acknowledge the existence of atheists.
The banners, sponsored by Iowa Atheists and Freethinkers, went up on buses in the Des Moines area earlier this month but were quickly removed after the transit company was allegedly flooded with complaints. Des Moines Area Regional Transit (DART) issued a statement to the DesMoinesRegister, explaining that the agency’s board “had not approved the signs” and “that they were put up by mistake.”
Of course, taking even a brief glimpse at this atheistic advert explains why the otherwise calm and collected Christians felt compelled to break out of character and feel offended: they were clearly provoked.
“I was disturbed, personally, by the advertisement and I can understand why other Iowans were also disturbed by the message that it sent.”
While offending Christians is not yet considered a federal offense in the state of Iowa, it is understandably taboo as the resulting onslaught of angry letter writing and overblown media attention can cause numerous health problems to the general public, most notably earache.
Buses in Greek Orthodox Mythology
While this particular bus was valiantly defeated, it is unlikely to be the last we hear of these dangerous double-decker tanks of godlessness. For centuries, buses have been deployed by Satan in an act to undermine the Christian faith, with each model carrying its own brand of provocative insults and disturbing philosophies. Early incarnations have included outrageously dogmatic slogans, such as “There’s probably no God” – a chilling glimpse into a Godless world where people are encouraged to “stop worrying and enjoy their lives.” We urge all readers of this article to remain indoors, plug their ears, close their eyes and pray for those who have not been blessed with the great perspective on life God has given you.