Insulting religion (comp)

The BBC reports that Gillian Gibbons has been sentenced to 15 days in prison for “insulting religion”. The religion in question which has so exercised the slow-witted mullahs of Sudan is known as “Islam”, a 7th century personality cult invented by an illiterate camel trader with a penchant for warfare and pre-pubescent girls. Think L Ron Hubbard in a tent.

For the duration of Gillian Gibbons’ incarceration we are holding an Insult Religion Competition in the comments. We’ll start the ball rolling: Islam, you scurvy dog! You are not fit to pick the winnets from a poodle’s arse.

Go on. Get it off your chest…

UPDATE: A prize, you say? Why, yes indeed. For once there shall be an actual, empirically verifiable prize for the winner of this comp. Leave it with me. I’ll get back to you. It will be worth winning.

PRIZE! The winner of this competition will receive a “presentation pack” of the Royal Mail’s Christmas 2005 series of stamps, designed by Irene Von Treskow. There are six stamps altogether, the most famous being the Hindu Madonna and Child which provoked history’s first known case of Stamp Rage. They are not worth much at the moment, but you won’t find them in the shops. Pressure from Hindu groups led to the Royal Mail cancelling the print run in November 2005.

Entries will be judged on wit and originality. Obscenity is acceptable, but if it is gratuitous, it does not stand a chance (I’m looking at you, Gareth).


27 Responses to “Insulting religion (comp)”

  1. ZombieHunter says:

    oooooh cool an insult religion compeition it’s about fucking time :D

    Does the best insult win a prize??:P

  2. Tim Jackson says:

    Islam, I flaunt my cherry-painted toenails in your general direction!

    HA!

  3. gareth says:

    There is nothing Mohammed liked more than taking it up the arse from a female donkey with an enormous strap-on dildo whilst wanking furiously over some kiddie porn.

  4. sean says:

    I do wonder about Mohammed’s days as a camel trader. Or, more specifically, the nights. The cold, lonely nights…

    One hump or two?

  5. Heathen Dan says:

    Mahomet was an illiterate camel rustler who invented a new religion when he couldn’t get the rabbis to remove the seventh commandment.

  6. neil h. says:

    Actually, I think that the Sudanese religious authorities are doing a pretty good job of insulting their own religion.

    “How can we make Mohammed look like an idiot?”
    “Let’s pretend that he would be upset at some children calling a soft toy after him”
    “Brilliant! Forty lashes all round!”

  7. Zed says:

    Allah! Allah! What are you doing?

    Fucking a cow. What does it look like I am doing?

    But Allah that is a bull.

    Of course. You can’t create a prophet with a little bull shit.

  8. NoJags Neil says:

    I’ve simply re-named my pet pig, rat, and snake Mohamed 1, 2, and 3. Unlike the teddy in question, I’ve named them directly after the prophet. Because I thought each of them looked a bit like him.

  9. ZombieHunter says:

    “Islam, when you absulutley, positivley have to kill every muthafuckah in the room”

  10. Ian Symes says:

    Christianity? Cunstianity, more like.

  11. Rob Clack says:

    Hasidic jews are pigeon-lickers, and the rest of the jews are just as bad by supporting them.

  12. NoJags Neil says:

    Am I allowed to contribute on behalf of somebody else? My vote goes to the inimitable Jesus & Mo…
    http://www.jesusandmo.net/2007/11/30/never/

  13. Monitor says:

    NoJags, that is indeed quite brilliant – but it might be hard to obtain the author’s address to send the prize to. He seems to be a bit of a recluse.

  14. Adam says:

    Traditional Islamic dress makes a woman’s bomb look big.

  15. countingcats says:

    Hmmm,

    You mean the religion which holds that a violent, mass murdering, thieving, oath breaking, misogynistic paedophile, who advocated slavery, condoned rape, lying and political assasination, and freely indulged his galloping satyriasis, is THE moral exemplar who’s every action should be admired and emulated?

    The religion who’s concept of Paradise is comparable to (and about as spiritual as) my concept of a high class brothel?

    Sorry, can’t think of any possible way to insult this lot.

  16. sean says:

    Here’s one fo the catholics…

    q. How do you get a priest to fuck a nun?

    a. Dress her up as an alter boy.

  17. Tom Freeman says:

    If you think you’ve got a hotline to god, you’re delusional and need to be helped. If you think your friend has a hotline to god, you’re in a cult and need to be rescued. If you think someone who you’ve never met and is long dead had a hotline to god, you’re in a religion and have already been saved.

    Playing Chinese whispers usually turns sense into gibberish, but here it turns madness into the Truth. It’s a miracle!

  18. Brian says:

    Please could all your readers supply a list of the names of their Teddy Bears. I’m sure I could be insulted by one of them, and this would give rise to an excuse for horsewhipping a lot of people who deserve to be horsewhipped.

  19. lakejen says:

    I’m Danish and I like cartoons (seriously). There, that should do it for the muslims :-)

  20. The Revolution says:

    As a long time reader of this site here’s my response. I design stencils and stickers and this is my latest one doing the rounds.

    Feel free to share the love.

  21. NoJags Neil says:

    Brian, I did notice a cuddly polar bear called Patrick in a catalogue the other day. Treading on thin ice with the Pad.. erm Irish, I thought.

  22. marc says:

    From Sickipedia: “What have a teddy bear and the prophet Mohammed both got in common?…..They both sleep with kids.”

  23. Tim Jackson says:

    Why did God choose a carpenter to be Jesus’s surrogate father?…

    Because God needs another man to help him get wood.

    HoHoHo :-)

  24. Scaryduck says:

    “Dear Islam

    I’m with you all the way on this one. Death to the blasphemers!

    Love an’ hugs

    S. ‘Dogshit’ Green”

  25. Michael says:

    Islam – Clitoris removal since 610AD

  26. Michael says:

    God is a lot like his followers. When he felt the urge procreate he had to rape a virgin.

  27. T.Hall says:

    Having read the comments so far it is a challenge to better them but here goes: In future I have vowed to address all pigs that I meet as Mohammed – although what pigs have done to me to merit such a disgusting insult I am at a loss to know. I’m not worried about a prize – I just want to let the world know what total insult to the word ‘religion’ Islam is. In fact Islam and religion defines the word ‘oxymoron’.