Bad language used to condemn bad language

The Sunday Telegraph’s Roya Nikkhah reports on an “investigation” into swearing on post-watershed TV. The investigation appeared to consist of the Telegraph reporter sitting up with pencil and paper for five nights then phoning up a few of the usual suspects to comment on the “findings”. Hey presto! A Sunday Telegraph hell-in-a-handcart story.

Here are the findings:

In some cases, swearing began only minutes after the watershed, when young children could still have been watching. In all, f*** and its derivatives was used 88 times, s*** 26 times and p*** 13 times.

What, no c***? What is the world coming to?

Most amusingly, this reporter got the name of our favourite smut-campaigner wrong throughout the piece, referring to him as John “Meyer”.

And this is what the Massah had to say about language use:

The use of bad language on television is now completely out of control. The fact is the public is offended by bad language but broadcasters are doing nothing to respond to that concern – instead they are burying their heads in the sand and stretching the regulations to the very limit.

Masterly use of mixed metaphor there, conjuring an image of besuited broadcasters, heads buried in the desert sand with their arms stretched out sideways, like rows of upside-down Jesuses.

He goes on:

Obviously there are still plenty of young viewers tuning in after 9pm, so why do broadcasters think that so many obscenities after the watershed is OK? What is the point of the Government spending millions trying to improve our children’s language and literacy when broadcasters are seeking to undermine it?

Just in case you were forgetting just how loopy Beyer is, note that in this last sentence he is actually putting forward the theory that the broadcasters of this nation are involved in an active – but presumably clandestine – campaign to undermine children’s language and literacy, and that the method they are using to achieve their nefarious aim is to squeeze as many fucks shits and pisses into the post-watershed programming schedule as they possibly can.

And they would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for that pesky Mr Meyer!

4 Responses to “Bad language used to condemn bad language”

  1. jr says:

    Does he think that kids will hear cusswords on the tv that they don’t hear in the playground all the time? What a daft cunt.

  2. marc says:

    Anyone else noticed how quiet the MCB has been of late? One minute they were never out of the news, now it’s like they never existed… Not that’s a bad thing!

  3. Dan Factor says:

    Nobody bothers to ask the general public what they think about swearing on TV. The press just wheel out self appointed voicies of the people like Beyer and think that represents public opinion.

  4. Stuart H. says:

    I wish Ross and Brand had rung Massah’s phone and got the answer machine.
    If they had to go, at least it would have been for cutting up someone hateful, and anypublic backlash would probably have gone their way despite the Daily Mail.